I've been feeling a bit restless lately. I can't quite put my finger on the "why" of this feeling, but I think it has to do with:
A. The uncertainty of my bachelors degree situation. Will BYUI add the classes I need by the time I want to graduate so I can receive a full-fledged degree in English?
Or will I have to go with plan B, in order to just graduate, and have an almost full-fledged bachelors degree in English, but a bachelors degree nonetheless.
B. Will my English class next semester be the death of me? I know that sounds a bit dramatic. And it is. But there are so many unknowns with this class, and I don't handle unknowns well. At all.
C. Should I get a masters degree so I can teach online college English classes? Yes, it would be awesome. But it would be a bit pricey at the same time we have the potential of having two kids in college at the same time. And, is it worth the time and money to get a masters degree when I'll be almost 50 (50!). Although I think that being 50, from my 45-year old perspective, is still pretty young, and I would have many years left to teach.
But still.
In the midst of this restlesness the past few weeks, I read one of my favorite blogs, Just Around This Corner. For all of you Time Out For Women fans, it's written by Laurel Christensen, who is the host and now also speaks at these events.
And her blog is awesome.
A few weeks ago she talked about a painting, titled "Be Where My Feet Are," by Cassandra Barney. (Go to Laurel's blog to see the painting since it's copyrighted. And she actually has the painting).
This is the caption that Ms. Barney wrote with this painting:
"I remind myself to 'be where my feet are' often. My mind tends to drift toward the future, sometimes planning or worrying about what lies ahead, missing the present. Being present is where life is the most rich and colorful. I've even found myself consciously feeling the soles of my feet on the ground to get myself there."
Oh. my. goodness. This is totally how I've been feeling.
(This is one reason I love the blogosphere. I can find inspirational things from the thoughts and experiences of others that help me in my own life. It's fabulous).
I often find my thoughts heading years ahead of where my feet are. Yes, I believe it's good to have a plan. "Faith without works is dead" (James 2:20). But sometimes I find myself relying more on the "works" part and not so much on the "faith" part of the equation.
I should have learned this lesson long ago, as there have been several times I thought we'd live in a place "forever," to only find ourselves being transferred. Again. Or when other things have not happened according to my plan.
So I'm trying to shoo away these restless feelings, rely more on my faith, and be more in the present.
Where my feet are.
Because when I try to do differently, I know I'm missing out on what is here. Right now.
And the here and now will never be here and now again.
And I would hate to miss out on that by leaning too much toward the future.
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